Review: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

On my way to the theater I found myself thinking “Do I really want to go see this movie? So many people have told me that it sucks, and that it diminished the other movies. That the CGI spoiled the movie and there was no urgency, no fear for the characters. Maybe I’d rather go see The Incredible Hulk.” Then I mentally slapped myself and said “What are you talking about… it’s Indiana Jones, and you must see it on the big screen no matter what anyone says.” So I did.

The movie starts out with the new Lucasfilm logo… well, not really new anymore, but new since 1997, but then the Paramount logo from 1982 appears and then it fades and turns into a mound of dirt in the exact same shape, just as it did in Raiders and Crusade (though those were a mountain and a rock formation, respectively). Anyway, when I saw that I knew that they were going to try very hard to be true to the characters and movies of the 80’s.

We get taken through the storage warehouse from the end of Raider’s of the Lost Ark, which we found out is at the Air Force Base, Area 51. Indy gets into a scrap with the Ruskies, and bullets start flying. Indy of course is not hit by any of them, because he’s Indy! I remember seeing this other movie, where the hero was being chased by a bunch of Natives and even though they are probably very efficient with their spears and blow guns when hunting game and warring against other tribes, they can’t seem to even knick the hero… what was that movie called? What? Oh yeah! Raiders of the Lost Ark!

Then it gets a little silly… ok… it gets a lot silly. He goes and gets himself blown up by a Nuclear bomb. But no, he saves himself in a fridge. Don’t worry… the fridge is lead lined, and apparently also has Inertial Dampers and is a Super Fridge that can keep things cool even though outside is 2000 degrees C. They had much cooler stuff in the 50’s because they *had* to be prepared for just such an emergency, and didn’t have to worry about the EPA saying that it’s bad for the environment. Indy just needs to be scrubbed down afterwards… no big deal. I’m going to put it out there that he also keeps a vial of water from the Holy Grail on hand at all times for just such an emergency. Yes, yes, the grail’s power loses effect beyond the great seal, but work with me here people.

So we go on. Indy is accused of being a commie and is fired. He makes mention of the death of Marcus Brodie and Henry Jones Sr. Funny that he said first Dad, then Marcus, because Denholm Elliot is actually dead, but Sean Connery isn’t. It should have been the other way around.

He meets up with a knife juggling greaser, there is a chase, and we get to hear the Wilhelm and they go to South America. There they find a crystal skull, and the Ruskies find them. They threw in the old Serial gag of “Native-about-to-kill-sidekick-with-blow-dart but hero-jumps-up-and-blows-dart-backwards” which never made sense to me because how would the poison tip stick in the guy’s mouth, but it was from the serials, so it must be included.

Oh yes… the crystal skull? Alien. Nuff said.

Anyway, was it a perfect movie? No. Did the CGI diminish it? Somewhat. Was there a feeling of urgency, and did you fear for the hero’s life? Not at all. Was it entertaining? In my opinion, very much so, although it was entertaining in the same why that Wile E. Coyote entertains me. Absolute absurdity. Do I think that George, Steven, Harrison, and David Koepp believe that someone could survive a Nuclear blast in a fridge? Do you? Did you say to yourself “That’s not realistic” or did you laugh and enjoy the humor of it. I laughed when I noticed the fridge flying over the car… I still feared for Indy’s life a little with the Ant scene, because there wasn’t an ant proof fridge to be seen. Actually I feared more for Indy’s hat then I did for Indy.

I’m not afraid to say it… I’ll shout it from the roof tops. I LIKED THE PREQUELS A LOT! I DIDN’T FIND JAR-JAR ANNOYING! AND I THOROUGHLY ENJOYED KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL!!! There… I’ve said it. It was a fun movie that didn’t take itself seriously, and I will watch it again, and add it to my movie collection. This one ranks number 3 for me in the series. In this order: Raiders, Last Crusade, Crystal Skull, and a very distant 4th (5th or 6th if you include any of the video games) Temple of Doom (which I just really have a hard time watching… doesn’t entertain me at all).

I give Crystal Skull 3.5 Wah-PAA’s out of 5… it’s just an arbitrary number… it means nothing.